My Story
Over the last year or so, my church has been challenging us as a congregation to learn how to tell our faith story summed up in about 2 minutes. We were provided with printed t-shirts and buttons that say “Ask me my story” and are encouraged to wear them out to the places we always go. The thought process being that it’s not always easy to strike up a random Jesus conversation with someone who is in the line next to you at the cashier, but if they see your shirt and ask what it means, there’s your in. I still haven’t quite figured out how to boil down my story into 2 minutes, but I am working on it because in 1 Peter 3:15 it says “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” I should be able to tell someone in 2 minutes how my life was transformed from being someone filled with “intellectual beliefs” to someone filled with “saving faith.” Oh there is a difference. Huge one. For me, the difference was literal darkness to light. Sounds dramatic I know, but once you see clearly through the Jesus lens for the very first time, there are no other words to adequately describe it.
So as I said, at the heart of my story, it’s really all about the difference between intellectual beliefs and saving faith. I, like many of you, grew up in church. I was there every Sunday and Wednesday. I participated in GAs, Sunday School, children’s choir and youth retreats. I knew the Jesus basics from childhood stories and could definitely recite a few key verses from memory. But beyond that, there was nothing deeper. There was no inner desire to base my thoughts, behaviors and actions on what would please God. Using Jesus as my moral compass was definitely NOT a thing I subscribed to. If I needed to make a decision, I made it. Done. I definitely knew people who I considered to be “Jesus Freaks” growing up and I kinda secretly sneered at them and thought how boring their life must be. They must never get to have any real fun and always have to be sooooo good. My moral compass was the world around me. What were my friends getting into this weekend? Whatever it was, I was there too. What was everyone laughing at over there? Whatever it was, I was laughing too. What was the thing that would allow me to conform the most to the crowd around me and never, ever make me feel uncommon or set apart? Whatever it was, I was all over it. Don’t get me wrong, we were decent kids. No one got in a ton of trouble and we all did well in school. However, not once did I EVER mention the name of Jesus outside of my own respective church that I attended on Sundays. I had my basic intellectual beliefs as I mentioned earlier and as if church was an item on a Christianity checklist, I would mark that box off each and every week. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” By this standard, I was nothing more than a hearer only of the word and the deception was that my intellectual beliefs equated to a true salvation experience.
So college came and went and although I was older, the pattern of behaviors was basically unchanged. Then came my years as a young professional in my early to mid-twenties who worked hard during the week so I could play hard on the weekends. The Nashville party scene was a happening place to be and getting to let loose and unwind felt really great… until it didn’t. Life was all carefree and full of wonderful instant gratification until God made it quite clear to me one evening that he was not okay with what was going down just then. I honestly can not explain it any other way than to say it felt like someone had tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention and it literally stopped me dead in my tracks. I was in my late twenties at that time and was dating my future husband, Chris. We had had a few dinner conversations leading up to that night where we both shared an overwhelming sense that something was missing from our lives. I think we both knew by then that we would eventually get married, but that wasn’t it. Not by a long shot. We didn’t even know it yet, but God was about to show us how far away from him we really were. He was about to show us just how empty our lives had truly been up to that point. And he was about to blow a crater-sized hole in our perception of what this carefree, instantly gratifying, work hard to play hard life was really all about.
When God tapped me that night, he said these words to me, “I see you and it’s time to stop.” And when I looked over at Chris and told him what had just happened, do you know what he said? Okay. He said okay. There I was with this man I was dating (who I’d hoped beyond hope would eventually ask me to marry him) and I was about to go against every instinct in my body that said “just shut up, he's going to think you're nuts, don’t do anything that makes you seem different or uncool” and I just blurted this out like I didn’t even have a choice. And instead of looking at me like I had lost my mind, he simply said, “Okay.” Thinking back now, I can honestly say that I believe I heard relief in his voice. Clearly God had been working on him too which is so obvious now. We did get engaged shortly after this and were married about 6 months after that and just like babies have to learn everything that is brand new to them, so did we. All we knew was that we were under different management now. Everything that we once felt indifferent to began to feel strange and off putting. The places and things that had once made us feel so at home now made us feel like strangers. The things we watched on TV, the words we spoke and the stuff we once found entertaining now felt foolish and shallow. Our moral compass that had once been the world at large was becoming this man, Jesus, that we really didn’t even know that well yet and we were being convicted of the things that he didn’t approve of which was brand new territory for us. As intellectual believers, conviction over sin wasn’t really a thing we had ever experienced. We had gone about our daily lives not really giving much thought to anything besides the eat, work, play, sleep cycle of life. Again, our bases were covered with the few “church-y” facts and figures we believed to be true and that was really all there was. Well, apparently not because THIS was a whole new bag. God was bringing us to a swift end of ourselves and for the first time we realized we were starving for something that only Jesus could provide.
To say it was a time filled with the greatest joy we’d ever known would be to tell you a lie. What did I just say? I will repeat. At that time, when God got a hold of us in such a dramatic way, I would not describe it as being all rainbows and unicorns. We had become pretty entrenched with the world around us and everyone we were close to knew us as we were. Chris and Leslie who never missed a party and who had hosted quite a few great ones ourselves. We were pretty much up for anything as long as it meant quick and easy fun. I know now why the bible says in Ephesians 4:27 “do not give the devil a foothold” because one stronghold that satan can use against you is bad enough. But what about a decade’s worth? That was some serious untangling that quite frankly was painful at times. Lots and lots of immediate changes had to occur and in order for God to truly right our ship, we now had to be all in for him like we had never known how to before. We had to show up, and not just occasionally, but every week. We needed to join a Life Group and meet other couples in our church. We picked up two copies of Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life and read together and shared our journal notes. We experimented with prayer because at first it seemed completely awkward and foreign. Eventually it was time to pick up that bible and start reading. At first I would concentrate on the verse or two that the preacher had read in service that Sunday. Then a bit later I decided I would try to tackle the bible by reading it through in a year. I am not sure I ever made it past Leviticus that time. I eventually purchased a John MacArthur yearly study bible with an actual reading plan and I read the bible cover to cover for the first time in my life. And then I read it again. I am currently on my third round. Praying became more and more comfortable and then I started to write down people and things to pray for in a journal. So you can clearly see, it all started with baby steps. All we knew back then was the call to action God had placed on us one night in our late twenties and little by little we inched ourselves forward into the light we knew we desperately wanted to be a part of. And please don't get me wrong here. We didn't start doing these things in hopes that Jesus would see us as worthy of his saving. No, that’s not it at all. The bible is very clear that "earning" salvation by our works is not possible. We started to do these things out of an overflow of need to know him more because he had ALREADY saved us. We don't earn extra credit points for reading, praying and attending church regularly, but we have certainly learned that by doing these things our lives are fuller, richer and simply more complete. We are set up to receive the full blessing that God gives to those who are truly striving to be obedient day to day. Do we receive weekly $1,000 checks in the mail from some "anonymous" source... of course not. That is not the sort of blessing I am referring to. Joy in the midst of the un-joyous, calm in the midst of the un-calm, security in the midst of the un-secure. Those are the blessings that the Lord will pour out onto those who gladly pursue him daily. I sometimes think back to the time when all we knew of Jesus was the mysterious red words written in a few chapters of the bible and am blown away that now we have a relationship with him that feels so real it’s almost tangible at times. Instead of mere intellectual beliefs, we now have saving faith. And we got here one step at a time.
My prayer for other intellectual believers is that God will give you your A-ha! moment of clarity. When he flips that switch inside of you for the first time the way he did for Chris and me, literally in a second of time you will begin to see the world in a whole new way. You will begin to fully understand your separation from God AND your subsequent need for Jesus to step in as your savior. Heaven stops being scary and starts to create excitement within you. You will begin the process of mourning the world as we know it and long for the day when Jesus returns to right all of the wrongs that are so heavily in our faces. I pray that everyone will finally understand the real difference between being "hearers only" of God's word and being "doers" of it.
So, that is my story. Yours is (or will be) different and that is just as it should be. Whether you have followed Jesus with abandon your entire life or you are like me and have taken the long way around, I am glad to be in your company today. As always, reach out if I can help you on your own journey away from mere intellectual belief and towards authentic, saving faith.
So as I said, at the heart of my story, it’s really all about the difference between intellectual beliefs and saving faith. I, like many of you, grew up in church. I was there every Sunday and Wednesday. I participated in GAs, Sunday School, children’s choir and youth retreats. I knew the Jesus basics from childhood stories and could definitely recite a few key verses from memory. But beyond that, there was nothing deeper. There was no inner desire to base my thoughts, behaviors and actions on what would please God. Using Jesus as my moral compass was definitely NOT a thing I subscribed to. If I needed to make a decision, I made it. Done. I definitely knew people who I considered to be “Jesus Freaks” growing up and I kinda secretly sneered at them and thought how boring their life must be. They must never get to have any real fun and always have to be sooooo good. My moral compass was the world around me. What were my friends getting into this weekend? Whatever it was, I was there too. What was everyone laughing at over there? Whatever it was, I was laughing too. What was the thing that would allow me to conform the most to the crowd around me and never, ever make me feel uncommon or set apart? Whatever it was, I was all over it. Don’t get me wrong, we were decent kids. No one got in a ton of trouble and we all did well in school. However, not once did I EVER mention the name of Jesus outside of my own respective church that I attended on Sundays. I had my basic intellectual beliefs as I mentioned earlier and as if church was an item on a Christianity checklist, I would mark that box off each and every week. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” By this standard, I was nothing more than a hearer only of the word and the deception was that my intellectual beliefs equated to a true salvation experience.
So college came and went and although I was older, the pattern of behaviors was basically unchanged. Then came my years as a young professional in my early to mid-twenties who worked hard during the week so I could play hard on the weekends. The Nashville party scene was a happening place to be and getting to let loose and unwind felt really great… until it didn’t. Life was all carefree and full of wonderful instant gratification until God made it quite clear to me one evening that he was not okay with what was going down just then. I honestly can not explain it any other way than to say it felt like someone had tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention and it literally stopped me dead in my tracks. I was in my late twenties at that time and was dating my future husband, Chris. We had had a few dinner conversations leading up to that night where we both shared an overwhelming sense that something was missing from our lives. I think we both knew by then that we would eventually get married, but that wasn’t it. Not by a long shot. We didn’t even know it yet, but God was about to show us how far away from him we really were. He was about to show us just how empty our lives had truly been up to that point. And he was about to blow a crater-sized hole in our perception of what this carefree, instantly gratifying, work hard to play hard life was really all about.
When God tapped me that night, he said these words to me, “I see you and it’s time to stop.” And when I looked over at Chris and told him what had just happened, do you know what he said? Okay. He said okay. There I was with this man I was dating (who I’d hoped beyond hope would eventually ask me to marry him) and I was about to go against every instinct in my body that said “just shut up, he's going to think you're nuts, don’t do anything that makes you seem different or uncool” and I just blurted this out like I didn’t even have a choice. And instead of looking at me like I had lost my mind, he simply said, “Okay.” Thinking back now, I can honestly say that I believe I heard relief in his voice. Clearly God had been working on him too which is so obvious now. We did get engaged shortly after this and were married about 6 months after that and just like babies have to learn everything that is brand new to them, so did we. All we knew was that we were under different management now. Everything that we once felt indifferent to began to feel strange and off putting. The places and things that had once made us feel so at home now made us feel like strangers. The things we watched on TV, the words we spoke and the stuff we once found entertaining now felt foolish and shallow. Our moral compass that had once been the world at large was becoming this man, Jesus, that we really didn’t even know that well yet and we were being convicted of the things that he didn’t approve of which was brand new territory for us. As intellectual believers, conviction over sin wasn’t really a thing we had ever experienced. We had gone about our daily lives not really giving much thought to anything besides the eat, work, play, sleep cycle of life. Again, our bases were covered with the few “church-y” facts and figures we believed to be true and that was really all there was. Well, apparently not because THIS was a whole new bag. God was bringing us to a swift end of ourselves and for the first time we realized we were starving for something that only Jesus could provide.
To say it was a time filled with the greatest joy we’d ever known would be to tell you a lie. What did I just say? I will repeat. At that time, when God got a hold of us in such a dramatic way, I would not describe it as being all rainbows and unicorns. We had become pretty entrenched with the world around us and everyone we were close to knew us as we were. Chris and Leslie who never missed a party and who had hosted quite a few great ones ourselves. We were pretty much up for anything as long as it meant quick and easy fun. I know now why the bible says in Ephesians 4:27 “do not give the devil a foothold” because one stronghold that satan can use against you is bad enough. But what about a decade’s worth? That was some serious untangling that quite frankly was painful at times. Lots and lots of immediate changes had to occur and in order for God to truly right our ship, we now had to be all in for him like we had never known how to before. We had to show up, and not just occasionally, but every week. We needed to join a Life Group and meet other couples in our church. We picked up two copies of Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life and read together and shared our journal notes. We experimented with prayer because at first it seemed completely awkward and foreign. Eventually it was time to pick up that bible and start reading. At first I would concentrate on the verse or two that the preacher had read in service that Sunday. Then a bit later I decided I would try to tackle the bible by reading it through in a year. I am not sure I ever made it past Leviticus that time. I eventually purchased a John MacArthur yearly study bible with an actual reading plan and I read the bible cover to cover for the first time in my life. And then I read it again. I am currently on my third round. Praying became more and more comfortable and then I started to write down people and things to pray for in a journal. So you can clearly see, it all started with baby steps. All we knew back then was the call to action God had placed on us one night in our late twenties and little by little we inched ourselves forward into the light we knew we desperately wanted to be a part of. And please don't get me wrong here. We didn't start doing these things in hopes that Jesus would see us as worthy of his saving. No, that’s not it at all. The bible is very clear that "earning" salvation by our works is not possible. We started to do these things out of an overflow of need to know him more because he had ALREADY saved us. We don't earn extra credit points for reading, praying and attending church regularly, but we have certainly learned that by doing these things our lives are fuller, richer and simply more complete. We are set up to receive the full blessing that God gives to those who are truly striving to be obedient day to day. Do we receive weekly $1,000 checks in the mail from some "anonymous" source... of course not. That is not the sort of blessing I am referring to. Joy in the midst of the un-joyous, calm in the midst of the un-calm, security in the midst of the un-secure. Those are the blessings that the Lord will pour out onto those who gladly pursue him daily. I sometimes think back to the time when all we knew of Jesus was the mysterious red words written in a few chapters of the bible and am blown away that now we have a relationship with him that feels so real it’s almost tangible at times. Instead of mere intellectual beliefs, we now have saving faith. And we got here one step at a time.
My prayer for other intellectual believers is that God will give you your A-ha! moment of clarity. When he flips that switch inside of you for the first time the way he did for Chris and me, literally in a second of time you will begin to see the world in a whole new way. You will begin to fully understand your separation from God AND your subsequent need for Jesus to step in as your savior. Heaven stops being scary and starts to create excitement within you. You will begin the process of mourning the world as we know it and long for the day when Jesus returns to right all of the wrongs that are so heavily in our faces. I pray that everyone will finally understand the real difference between being "hearers only" of God's word and being "doers" of it.
So, that is my story. Yours is (or will be) different and that is just as it should be. Whether you have followed Jesus with abandon your entire life or you are like me and have taken the long way around, I am glad to be in your company today. As always, reach out if I can help you on your own journey away from mere intellectual belief and towards authentic, saving faith.
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