Speak Truth In Love
I am about to call someone out and this person will know exactly who they are when/if they read this because we just had this conversation not long ago. This person is literally one of the people I love the most in the whole world and what they said really isn’t bad at all. In fact it was just a passing comment, but it got me thinking. The comment was something along the lines of “your blog posts are making me (and others this person knows) feel guilty.” When they said it, we just laughed it off and moved on to other things, but as I said it kind of got me thinking a little bit about the way in which I speak. The title of this post comes from Ephesians 4:15 which says “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” This chapter of Ephesians is a call to “holy” living for all who are believers in Christ. “Holy” meaning to be set apart, to be different from the surrounding culture. Verse 15 above is a gentle reminder that as Christians, if we feel led to speak truth into someone’s life, let it be done with utmost care and love. And quite frankly, if this is hard for you (and you know who you are), then maybe it’s not for you to do quite yet. It is no secret that many Christians are on edge these days. Everywhere we look we are being mocked, misrepresented and unfairly labeled as all sorts of hateful things. And I know for me personally, being on edge may very easily cause my message to turn away from “Jesus loves you and wants a relationship with you right where you are” and unintentionally morph into a more severe warning that comes out sounding a lot like “turn or burn.” And I am not alone, not by a long shot. A message with a peaceful and good intent can turn into a contentious debate faster than any of us would like to admit. So, what are we to do? Other than NEVER say “turn or burn” to ANYONE, I definitely don’t have all the answers. But, read on and let’s take a look at several key verses that touch on this topic and see what they have to tell us.
Without a doubt there are plenty of verses that give us the green light when it comes to calling out the sin of fellow believers. However, many come with a “how to” portion that often gets overlooked. Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a very practical three-step approach to dealing with a fellow believer who has wronged us. First, talk to them alone. If that doesn’t work, take one or two others and talk with them again. If there is still no repentance, take it to the church as a whole. Galatians 6:1 tell us to help restore a fellow believer who has been caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness all the while keeping our guard up so that we too don’t fall into the same temptation. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 urges us to warn those that are idle in their faith, but to be patient with them at all times. I think we are all experts in the “noticing the sin of our fellow believers” department, but how are we doing in the “speak with gentleness and patience” department? When a fellow believer hurts you do you a) follow the steps outlined in Matthew 18 above or b) hurry to the nearest vacant ear and begin unloading every sordid detail in an attempt to sway people to your side? Make no mistake, I am asking myself these questions too because we are all guilty. I really love the message of unity among believers that Paul wrote in Romans 14. This was written at a time when many Jewish converts to Christianity were intermixed with Gentiles (non-Jews) who had also come to know and believe in Jesus as their Savior. Jewish people, before their conversion, had been adhering to the strictest of laws regarding their diet and other ceremonial requirements that the Gentiles had no commitment to. This was a collision of cultures all coming together with one purpose in mind which was to love and serve Jesus, BUT, it was hard to just completely forget the dietary restrictions and requirements of the old law overnight. So Paul very wisely said, “Guys, let’s not sweat the small stuff here! Let’s support one another’s differences because as long as our doctrine about Jesus is sound, all this other stuff is just causing needless quarreling.” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get his point. Stop pointing out every little thing that a fellow believer does that might be different from the way you would do it. Stop harping on things that quite frankly have nothing to do with the soundness of someone’s beliefs and just appreciate them differences and all. As long as the integrity of our Christian faith remains in tact, let’s stop looking for things to gripe about. Examples for today could be wearing a suit to church every Sunday versus wearing jeans or churches that sing nothing but old hymns versus those that sing contemporary praise songs. Or maybe the way a church takes it’s communion. Does everyone head to the front pew by pew or do they sit and have individual cups and bread passed around? Do the pastors in your church wear robes or do they dress in regular clothes? So long as the motives behind what your church prefers are pure and ultimately designed to bring glory and honor to Jesus Christ alone, let’s come together as a unified Church for the good of a world that is watching our every move and waiting for us to slip up.
Now, just a quick word on the topic of sanctification. In non-Christianese, sanctification just means the process of becoming more like Jesus every single day. When we begin to make choices (big and small) based off of our desire to please Jesus versus just what we’ve always done in the past, we are becoming sanctified. We can see evidence of sanctification in our lives when our patterns of speech, behavior, attitudes, etc. are drastically different from our pre-salvation selves. Basically we are reading God’s word and trying really hard to be obedient to what it says. Perfect… absolutely not. Progress… daily. But, here’s the realllllllly tricky part for many Christians out there. The speed in which a fellow believer goes through this process is completely different from person to person. Some believers seem to go through an over-night sanctification process where they literally look night and day different in an instant. Some believers continue to struggle with the same stupid pattern of sin for what seems like eternity. And even though James 5:19-20 tells us “My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.” we must not forget to do so with humble, love-filled hearts. I agree that nothing is harder than watching a person continually choose to do things the hard way instead of fully trusting that Jesus has something so much better if they would just allow Him room to do it. It makes you want to throw your hands up and scream, “What is the matter with you? Don’t you know better by now?!” But we just can’t because “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Psalms 15:1” and I am guessing we have ALL been on the giving and receiving end of those harsh words. Furthermore, as I said before, the world is watching and waiting for us to fail and delivering a one-two punch to our brothers and sisters in the faith is just the ammunition the world wants. We must remember the words that my pastor has shared with us many times over the years that justification happens in an instant, but sanctification happens over a lifetime. “Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone - especially to those in the family of faith. Galatians 6:10”
So we’ve talked a bit about confronting each other as fellow believers and how that should be done in a proper and God-honoring way. However, I do think that sometimes (maybe a lot of times) we take a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” approach in that we will confront unbelievers in the same way. Now, are we most times well-intentioned? Definitely. I really do think most people ultimately want their acquaintance, neighbor, co-worker, favorite store clerk, etc. to come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior just like them. They want the same joy and the same peace that they have to be experienced by everyone and there is honestly nothing sweeter! But a word of caution to Christians who are on edge because of the unfair treatment and labeling of our faith that I mentioned before. No matter how much moral decline we see happening right in front of us day after day, we MUST heed the advice given in Colossians 4:5-6 about the proper way to interact with unbelievers which says “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Think about your dinner for a second. Sometimes things taste much better when seasoned with just a touch of salt, right? Our words should also be seasoned just right so that they leave the person we are speaking to wanting more and that doesn’t happen when we give “full of grace and seasoned with salt” a time-out and replace it with “full of judgements and seasoned with hatefulness.” I like this quote from an article I read recently on this topic: “In light of God's judgment, we should not judge others. This does not mean flabby indifference to moral wrong but recognition of solidarity in guilt.”1 This is exactly right! If any of us are ever to truly play a part in bringing someone’s heart to Jesus for redemption’s sake, shouldn’t we freely admit from the very start that we were JUST as entrenched in sin as they before He got a hold of us? Did our sins look different from theirs? Maybe. But is it true that a sin is a sin is a sin in God’s eyes? Absolutely. “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23” I also like this quote as well: “We don't speak the truth just to win a fuss fight. We don't use the truth like a hammer to hit someone over the head. Love means we don't look for opportunities to grill someone like a steak or to show the superiority of our knowledge. We don't use the truth like a harsh spotlight to create unnecessary embarrassment in some poor soul.”2 Christians, we must ask ourselves, is that us out there searching for opportunities to put someone in their place? Is that us firing up the grill ready to skewer the next unsuspecting sinner? If so, we are only kindling the flames of hatred and divide instead of modeling the joy unexplainable that Christ provides for those that live in obedience to Him! Yes, as believers we know all too well that a Jesus-filled life is one that is difficult at times and requires discipline, delayed gratification and self-sacrifice. But when we are given a divine opportunity to speak truth into someone’s life, let us not only share God’s scripturally given truths for living a morally pleasing life, but also excitedly share the promise in James 4:8 that as a person draws nearer to the Lord, He will draw near to them! When we share with someone that, yes, God may ask you to give up something for His sake that might leave you devastated in the moment, do not forget to also share the words of Psalm 34:18 that promise us “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Those of us who are believers and have been for quite a while tend to forget that before a person is saved, their sin is all they know. We forget that the mere suggestion of giving up their current way of life is absolutely as foreign to them as trying to decipher Chinese. Even though to us, choosing Jesus is a no-brainer because we KNOW what joy unexplainable looks and feels like on the other side, but unbelievers simply can not fathom that yet. So, let’s always speak and live in a manner that proves to our communities and to the world that simply having Jesus in our hearts is infinitely more gratifying than any earthly possession, behavior or relationship will ever be. And we must remember that the saying “rules without relationship equals rebellion” is never more true than when a believer, completely unprovoked, attacks a non-believer because of their current life choices. This. Does. Not. Work. Like pretty much 100% of the time. In fact, have we not essentially just hindered the ability of the Holy Spirit to work in that person’s heart because now all they can think of is the fact that they are unlovable in their current state of being? No, we must be better than that. “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost it’s flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father. Matthew 5:13-16”
In summary, I really love the words of Mother Theresa when she said “One filled with joy preaches without preaching.” If you are believer, does your light shine in a manner that makes others not only take notice, but become drawn in by it? Are you living so full of the joy that only Jesus can bring that you are literally a walking advertisement for coming to know Him? I know I need some serious work in that department. One last verse to leave you with. 1 Peter 3:15 says “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have, but do this with gentleness and respect.” I haven’t been covered up lately with people asking me about the hope that I have in Christ. How about you? If your answer is like mine, let this be our motivation to let our light shine just a little brighter today than it did yesterday.
1http://apologetics-notes.comereason.org/2014/10/are-we-not-to-judge-unbelievers.html
2http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-ephesians-4-15(2).htm
Without a doubt there are plenty of verses that give us the green light when it comes to calling out the sin of fellow believers. However, many come with a “how to” portion that often gets overlooked. Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a very practical three-step approach to dealing with a fellow believer who has wronged us. First, talk to them alone. If that doesn’t work, take one or two others and talk with them again. If there is still no repentance, take it to the church as a whole. Galatians 6:1 tell us to help restore a fellow believer who has been caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness all the while keeping our guard up so that we too don’t fall into the same temptation. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 urges us to warn those that are idle in their faith, but to be patient with them at all times. I think we are all experts in the “noticing the sin of our fellow believers” department, but how are we doing in the “speak with gentleness and patience” department? When a fellow believer hurts you do you a) follow the steps outlined in Matthew 18 above or b) hurry to the nearest vacant ear and begin unloading every sordid detail in an attempt to sway people to your side? Make no mistake, I am asking myself these questions too because we are all guilty. I really love the message of unity among believers that Paul wrote in Romans 14. This was written at a time when many Jewish converts to Christianity were intermixed with Gentiles (non-Jews) who had also come to know and believe in Jesus as their Savior. Jewish people, before their conversion, had been adhering to the strictest of laws regarding their diet and other ceremonial requirements that the Gentiles had no commitment to. This was a collision of cultures all coming together with one purpose in mind which was to love and serve Jesus, BUT, it was hard to just completely forget the dietary restrictions and requirements of the old law overnight. So Paul very wisely said, “Guys, let’s not sweat the small stuff here! Let’s support one another’s differences because as long as our doctrine about Jesus is sound, all this other stuff is just causing needless quarreling.” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get his point. Stop pointing out every little thing that a fellow believer does that might be different from the way you would do it. Stop harping on things that quite frankly have nothing to do with the soundness of someone’s beliefs and just appreciate them differences and all. As long as the integrity of our Christian faith remains in tact, let’s stop looking for things to gripe about. Examples for today could be wearing a suit to church every Sunday versus wearing jeans or churches that sing nothing but old hymns versus those that sing contemporary praise songs. Or maybe the way a church takes it’s communion. Does everyone head to the front pew by pew or do they sit and have individual cups and bread passed around? Do the pastors in your church wear robes or do they dress in regular clothes? So long as the motives behind what your church prefers are pure and ultimately designed to bring glory and honor to Jesus Christ alone, let’s come together as a unified Church for the good of a world that is watching our every move and waiting for us to slip up.
Now, just a quick word on the topic of sanctification. In non-Christianese, sanctification just means the process of becoming more like Jesus every single day. When we begin to make choices (big and small) based off of our desire to please Jesus versus just what we’ve always done in the past, we are becoming sanctified. We can see evidence of sanctification in our lives when our patterns of speech, behavior, attitudes, etc. are drastically different from our pre-salvation selves. Basically we are reading God’s word and trying really hard to be obedient to what it says. Perfect… absolutely not. Progress… daily. But, here’s the realllllllly tricky part for many Christians out there. The speed in which a fellow believer goes through this process is completely different from person to person. Some believers seem to go through an over-night sanctification process where they literally look night and day different in an instant. Some believers continue to struggle with the same stupid pattern of sin for what seems like eternity. And even though James 5:19-20 tells us “My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.” we must not forget to do so with humble, love-filled hearts. I agree that nothing is harder than watching a person continually choose to do things the hard way instead of fully trusting that Jesus has something so much better if they would just allow Him room to do it. It makes you want to throw your hands up and scream, “What is the matter with you? Don’t you know better by now?!” But we just can’t because “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Psalms 15:1” and I am guessing we have ALL been on the giving and receiving end of those harsh words. Furthermore, as I said before, the world is watching and waiting for us to fail and delivering a one-two punch to our brothers and sisters in the faith is just the ammunition the world wants. We must remember the words that my pastor has shared with us many times over the years that justification happens in an instant, but sanctification happens over a lifetime. “Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone - especially to those in the family of faith. Galatians 6:10”
So we’ve talked a bit about confronting each other as fellow believers and how that should be done in a proper and God-honoring way. However, I do think that sometimes (maybe a lot of times) we take a “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” approach in that we will confront unbelievers in the same way. Now, are we most times well-intentioned? Definitely. I really do think most people ultimately want their acquaintance, neighbor, co-worker, favorite store clerk, etc. to come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior just like them. They want the same joy and the same peace that they have to be experienced by everyone and there is honestly nothing sweeter! But a word of caution to Christians who are on edge because of the unfair treatment and labeling of our faith that I mentioned before. No matter how much moral decline we see happening right in front of us day after day, we MUST heed the advice given in Colossians 4:5-6 about the proper way to interact with unbelievers which says “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Think about your dinner for a second. Sometimes things taste much better when seasoned with just a touch of salt, right? Our words should also be seasoned just right so that they leave the person we are speaking to wanting more and that doesn’t happen when we give “full of grace and seasoned with salt” a time-out and replace it with “full of judgements and seasoned with hatefulness.” I like this quote from an article I read recently on this topic: “In light of God's judgment, we should not judge others. This does not mean flabby indifference to moral wrong but recognition of solidarity in guilt.”1 This is exactly right! If any of us are ever to truly play a part in bringing someone’s heart to Jesus for redemption’s sake, shouldn’t we freely admit from the very start that we were JUST as entrenched in sin as they before He got a hold of us? Did our sins look different from theirs? Maybe. But is it true that a sin is a sin is a sin in God’s eyes? Absolutely. “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23” I also like this quote as well: “We don't speak the truth just to win a fuss fight. We don't use the truth like a hammer to hit someone over the head. Love means we don't look for opportunities to grill someone like a steak or to show the superiority of our knowledge. We don't use the truth like a harsh spotlight to create unnecessary embarrassment in some poor soul.”2 Christians, we must ask ourselves, is that us out there searching for opportunities to put someone in their place? Is that us firing up the grill ready to skewer the next unsuspecting sinner? If so, we are only kindling the flames of hatred and divide instead of modeling the joy unexplainable that Christ provides for those that live in obedience to Him! Yes, as believers we know all too well that a Jesus-filled life is one that is difficult at times and requires discipline, delayed gratification and self-sacrifice. But when we are given a divine opportunity to speak truth into someone’s life, let us not only share God’s scripturally given truths for living a morally pleasing life, but also excitedly share the promise in James 4:8 that as a person draws nearer to the Lord, He will draw near to them! When we share with someone that, yes, God may ask you to give up something for His sake that might leave you devastated in the moment, do not forget to also share the words of Psalm 34:18 that promise us “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Those of us who are believers and have been for quite a while tend to forget that before a person is saved, their sin is all they know. We forget that the mere suggestion of giving up their current way of life is absolutely as foreign to them as trying to decipher Chinese. Even though to us, choosing Jesus is a no-brainer because we KNOW what joy unexplainable looks and feels like on the other side, but unbelievers simply can not fathom that yet. So, let’s always speak and live in a manner that proves to our communities and to the world that simply having Jesus in our hearts is infinitely more gratifying than any earthly possession, behavior or relationship will ever be. And we must remember that the saying “rules without relationship equals rebellion” is never more true than when a believer, completely unprovoked, attacks a non-believer because of their current life choices. This. Does. Not. Work. Like pretty much 100% of the time. In fact, have we not essentially just hindered the ability of the Holy Spirit to work in that person’s heart because now all they can think of is the fact that they are unlovable in their current state of being? No, we must be better than that. “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost it’s flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father. Matthew 5:13-16”
In summary, I really love the words of Mother Theresa when she said “One filled with joy preaches without preaching.” If you are believer, does your light shine in a manner that makes others not only take notice, but become drawn in by it? Are you living so full of the joy that only Jesus can bring that you are literally a walking advertisement for coming to know Him? I know I need some serious work in that department. One last verse to leave you with. 1 Peter 3:15 says “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have, but do this with gentleness and respect.” I haven’t been covered up lately with people asking me about the hope that I have in Christ. How about you? If your answer is like mine, let this be our motivation to let our light shine just a little brighter today than it did yesterday.
1http://apologetics-notes.comereason.org/2014/10/are-we-not-to-judge-unbelievers.html
2http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-ephesians-4-15(2).htm
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