This Little Light

This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil.

John 3:19

Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy,outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-21

Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5:24

I remember very well what is was like to love the darkness. I remember going about my weekly/monthly/yearly routines without a single thought being given to anything resembling "matters of faith." I remember week after week after week of work hard to play hard and once the weekend came, play I did. I honestly remember thinking that my lifestyle, although maybe not "Christian-Magazine-Picture-Perfect," was certainly better than others who outright lived in denial of Christ altogether. I mean, at the very least, I attended church on major holidays to celebrate the birth and subsequent death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. I definitely had that going for me and God certainly appreciated that. Plus, I had grown up in a household that valued Sunday morning church services and Wednesday Mid-Week activities. Sure, maybe I was going less often these days (aka pretty much never), but my general ledger was surely still on the positive side. My desires and the works of my flesh had to be way less offensive because I at least still had my big toe dipped into the faith pool. Some people didn't even have that for crying out loud.

Darkness.

What's the big stinkin' deal about living a little and getting drunk with my friends on the weekends? Seriously, we aren't harming anyone! We are good citizens. We have good jobs. We pay taxes. We vote. We roll down our windows and give a dollar or two to the homeless man standing at the red light. So what if we want to let loose a little after work? So what if our relationships with significant others involve sleeping over? EVERYONE lives like this. Look around! We are all good people just trying to take a load off and quite frankly it's maddening and highly annoying that anyone would suggest I take a look at my life under any other sort of lens. Life is hard enough and it's these simple pleasures that make it all worth it.

Darkness.

I kind of hate church now because it makes me feel terrible. What does the pastor even know about living a "normal" life. He has no other friends outside of church, so of course it's easy for him to not participate in anything deemed "sinful." And all these other people sitting here week in and week out are the same way. It's really easy to say no to the "works of the flesh" when all of your friends are sitting right beside you in the very next pew. These people have NO idea what the real world is like. It's fun! It's lively! It's entertaining! So, yeah, when all you know is your boring life and your boring friends, it's easier for you to make all of this faith stuff a priority.

Darkness. 

Wait, what just happened? Why did my sub-conscious just drop a bomb on this very typical evening? A whole decade has passed and it's been nothing but business as usual, so why am I all of a sudden feeling uncertain about choices I literally make all the time?

Darkness interrupted by a tiny flicker. Dang it.

Whoa, this is new. This isn't like it used to be at all. Why in the world does something as simple and innocent as getting a little tipsy with my friends now feel all together different and strange? And why in the world do I all of a sudden feel completely at odds about staying over at his house? What is happening here? Why is it that now I can't seem to stop thinking about those matters of faith I was blissfully unconcerned with just a few weeks ago? Jesus... You are messing with my perfectly ordinary and safe existence. Ugh.

Flicker becomes a little brighter.

Okay, fine. So you are telling me big changes are needed, huh? Well, okay, but how in the world is that supposed to work when five minutes ago I never even thought twice about any of this stuff? It's not that simple to just up and leave without creating a wake of destruction for myself, ya know?! Those are my friends! This is my lifestyle! Come on, man!

A little brighter.

So, we'll just try coming on Sunday mornings then. We'll hang in the back and fly under the radar so no one will really notice us. Wait, I'm sorry, now that we're married you want us to join Sunday School too?? Good grief. Now we have to mingle with the boring people? What if we hate it, Lord? What if all of these steps we're taking aren't enough to fill us up the way we were filled up just a few short months ago? I know You are talking to me, but I am just scared that You won't be enough and all I'll ever want to do is return to those old ways of thinking and behaving. What then?

Flicker has become a small flame.

Pick up two copies of The Purpose Driven Life along with the journal and give it a read together? Okay. Slowly, like sloooooowly, start building relationships with women inside the church? Okay. Begin tithing and no matter what, remain faithful to it. Okay. Experiment with prayer? Okay. Buy a One Year Bible and commit to reading it daily? Okay. Continue to chip away at my old lifestyle while methodically replacing my old habits with these new ones? Okay.

Darkness gives way to full-on light.

Somehow these "boring" people are the very ones who I have been searching for all my life and never knew it. In fact, they aren't boring at all. They are downright fun. Like, actually a lot of fun. And sober too! Who would have thunk it? Church services feel so natural now and I am often sad when I have to miss them. Learning more and more about Jesus through reading the bible has brought Him to life for me. He is no longer just an afterthought and someone who only exists to stand in the way of my weekend entertainment. I start to understand and loathe how those works of my flesh that I once loved actually hurt Him. Sure, me too, but mostly Him. He said don't participate in drunkenness because He wanted me to be filled with more of Him. He said keep your relationship pure because He knew how much more fulfilling it would be that way. It wasn't because He didn't want me to have any fun, it was because He wanted to show me how insufficient that sort of fun really was. How lacking. How empty. How truly fleeting. He wanted to show me the world through His eyes and that could only happen once I ceased loving the darkness more than Him.

Growing and maturing in the light.

God is so good. Amazingly good. Even during the months when, after we tithe, we only have $10 left until the next paycheck. He just never lets us down. He never lets us starve. He never lets us not pay a bill on time. I can't even explain it. None of it makes sense on paper. Our stomachs stay full and our lights stay on every. single. time.

Prayer feels so much more natural now. Those friends of ours, who we were praying for who couldn't get pregnant, ended up adopting the most precious little boy ever. Those other friends, who we were also praying for who couldn't get pregnant, announced they were expecting. We prayed for and cried with friends whose son was diagnosed with cancer and rejoiced when the positive results began to appear. Other friends who we prayed for sometimes didn't have as positive of outcomes, but we watched them stay faithful anyway. I began meeting regularly with a group of women at a monthly supper club. These women were so different from me, but at the same time I felt an instant attraction to them because they were exactly who Jesus wanted me to model my life after. These are now our people and I have never felt so complete.

I realize now the gravity of what Jesus saved me from. I realize now that sin is serious. All sin, all the time. Even the sin that, in my mind, wasn't that big a deal because it wasn't hurting anybody. Wrong. Sin had lied to me and made me believe it wasn't really a thing to be overly concerned about. Sin made me think that having grown up in a house that went to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, and now being a young adult, keeping my big toe dipped into the faith pool by going a few times a year was really good enough. Sin made me say things like, "They just don't understand. They don't have the same struggles as me. They don't have the same temptations. It's so easy for them and so it's not fair to be held to the same standard." Sin darkened my mind to the reality that there is only one Standard. And God put that Standard on a cross for me. That wasn't a picnic for Him. That was a brutal and bloody mess of a death. When I put my excuses for why my sin was different and why it should really be excused because my temptations were harder than others up against the reality of bearing that cross, I realized something. Maybe life isn't supposed to be a bed of roses all the time. Jesus' life certainly wasn't. What in the world gives me the right to think my own should be any different? He's the Standard, remember? He was tempted in every way, just like me. He said no to His flesh every single day. There is no such thing as a small sin. Honestly, there is no such thing as a huge sin either. Sin is sin. Period. And putting it to death sometimes feels every bit as excruciating as the cross that Jesus bore to save us from it's grip, but that never exempts us from killing it anyway.

I have read two outstanding books recently that I couldn't recommend any higher. First was Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry and the second was The Gospel Comes with a House Key by Rosaria Butterfield. These women have overcome sin's powerful grip in a way that makes my own journey seem like a never-ending trip to Disney World. They have made me view my own love of the darkness, and that of the world at large, in a completely new way. Every single human on this planet was made in the image of God, but every single one of us also bears the thumbprint of that original garden sin. That means each of us are capable of, and in many cases pleased by, wandering away from God in response to what our flesh finds alluring. When Adam and Eve first said "No" to God by eating the fruit, they basically told Him that He alone wasn't enough for them anymore. Surely there was more out there and that fruit was their ticket to finding out what. Sadly now, from the time a new baby human is old enough to start making independent choices for themselves, their struggle has already begun. We are tainted from birth. We are pre-programmed for distraction. And, boy, this distraction means war and it is real and lived out every moment of every day we are alive. But, just because it's a difficult road (for some, more like an agonizing one), we don't have an excuse for not walking it in obedience daily. If Jesus could willingly walk His own road leading to His own savage death all for our honor, we too can bear up under the weight of the obstacles to our faith. And as a family of God, our job is to help shoulder that weight for our brothers and sisters until they are strong enough to stand on their own. Over and over and over again, we are to help shoulder that weight and never grow weary of fulfilling this obligation for each other.

It is no secret that we live in an anything goes, pleasure-obsessed world where sin is celebrated and is absolutely the status quo. The very thought of dying to self and placing our tangible wants on an intangible alter is so counter-cultural it seems ludicrous to many people. But the Galatians 5 list above makes it plain. Those words are not confusing. They are not ambiguous. There is no double meaning or questionable language. The works of the flesh are listed there for all to see. Also notice in the next verse listed above what happens once you belong to Christ. As I alluded previously, don't expect the crucifixion of your flesh to be a tranquil scene. Far from it. It's a war zone and the only hope we have of winning is literally hurling ourselves at the feet of Jesus. After all, He knows all about crucifixion doesn't He? He knows the anguish associated with it all too well. Friend, you are not alone. You do not have to shoulder the weight of your obstacle by yourself. First and foremost, with an authentic salvation experience that includes genuine repentance, the Spirit of God (the same Spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the dead) is literally now residing inside of you. It may take you a minute to get acquainted, but make no mistake, He is there. Second, you now have a worldwide family of believers that will help shoulder your burden. Your local church body is a great place to start looking and asking for discipleship, which just means learning how to live more and more like Jesus. If you are local, send me a message through the comments section and I will be honored to talk with you more and help shoulder your burden right here.

In closing, stop believing the lie that the world at large cares more about you because it gives you permission to unabashedly pursue your sin. Those celebrities that champion all the causes and tell you to run, don't walk, and chase your every last human desire because it is only fulfilling who you really are, are not your knights in shining armor. Who you really are is an image-bearer of Almighty God! Anyone who helps you celebrate your love of darkness may make you feel appreciated and seen for a short time, but only God will love you for all eternity. There is so much more delight to be found in Him, the Light, because He is the giver of all good things and perfect gifts (James 1:17). Not a single earthly thing will sustain you the way that He will if you just give Him the chance. Please don't replace the true and eternal love of God for the cheap and easy adoration of mankind because they celebrate your sin with you. That adoration is grossly incomplete at best and a total sham at worst. God calling you to Himself and asking you to replace your love of darkness with a love of holiness is the kindest act anyone could ever do for you. Why? He wants to share heaven with you. And although there's often times pain with every conversion, Christianity can truly become the toughest road you will never have any regrets about taking.