Dear Parents...
The following is an open letter I recently wrote to the parents of students in the middle and high school department at my church. The opening paragraph explains the origin and purpose of the letter. Because I think this information pertains to ALL parents, I wanted to share it here as well. Parents, the spiritual climate within your own home is of paramount importance to the continuation of your child’s faith journey as an adult. I can not stress this enough. Please read on and share with parents you know who need these truths!
Dear Parents,
Hello! My name is Leslie Strange and I am one of the Student Ministry Life Group leaders who has the privilege of interacting with your student(s) on a weekly basis. I also recently came on staff at Judson as the Admin Assistant to Patton and Dan in the Student Ministry department as well. Patton, Presley and I met together recently to do some 2020 goal planning and one of the things that came out of our time together was this letter to you, hopefully along with many more to come from other leaders within Student Ministry. The purpose being very simple. To tell you briefly who I am, why I do what I do and to inform you, with all sincerity, why the environment in your home will reinforce (or not) any moments of truth God allows me to speak into your child on a weekly basis.
First things first, who am I and what’s (briefly) my story? For me personally, my faith journey was unfortunately a lot more complicated than it ought to have ever been. I have a very typical story of growing up in church, hearing all the Jesus things, doing all the VBS, attending all the youth camps and retreats, etc. only to find myself completely overwhelmed with the allure of the world upon graduation. While you will never hear me make excuses for my own, grown-up, very adult choices, I do often wonder though if Jesus would have come alive in my heart the way He is now back in those formative years had my family life looked differently. Let me explain. When I say that I “grew up in church,” I literally mean that for a portion of my childhood, I was there almost daily. My mother worked as the music secretary at Judson for about a decade of my adolescent years. There wasn’t as much oversight then either, so I was all over the place! Every closet opened, every staircase climbed, every baptistry pool (we had two then before they built the new building) played in, every musical instrument strummed, and the list goes on. Such was the life of the 80’s kid. I tell you this to make the greater point that although I spent countless hours within the walls of this church, the church didn’t follow us home.
Don’t get me wrong, my life at home was happy. I had two parents who would do (and did) everything in their power to create a loving home environment for my sister and me. And it was! As far as a father to young girls goes, mine was outstanding. We learned how to change tires, ride 4-wheelers, shoot basketballs and build forts. We also played endless Barbies, Cabbage Patch Kids and Strawberry Shortcake. We heard the words “I love you,” and “I am proud of you” in abundance that went a long way to develop my sister and me into the confident young women we eventually became. It wasn’t until much later in my young adulthood when God grabbed a hold of my heart for the very first time and drew me into an actual relationship with Jesus, that I remember hearing the term “Spiritual Leader” for the first time. Honestly I was a bit confused by it at first, but then slowly over time I have begun to realize that as amazing as my home life was as a kid, my parents (particularly my dad) hadn’t taken the initiative to give my sister and me what we needed more than lessons on how to properly use jumper cables or apply for a job. We needed Jesus to be invited into our home by way of Bibles being opened and read daily. We needed to see daily prayers being offered not just for a few seconds before a meal or for other supplication, but just for the sake of praise and thanks. We needed to witness two adults living and breathing to bring honor and glory to their Heavenly Father, modeling for us the way to set hard boundaries against an encroaching world and how to stick to them. So, to answer the question of why I do what I do, the answer is simple. I want to tell your kids to read their bible and spend time talking with God daily and I want to have hard conversations about the realities of sin’s allure and give them tools to set those hard boundaries themselves. Sounds great, right? There’s a big problem though that I need to share with you next.
Neither I, nor your child’s actual life group leader if it isn’t me, nor Pastors Patton, Dan or Jeff can effectively do any of those things I just listed if you as their parents aren’t invested in your own spiritual journey with Jesus. If you are not modeling in your home the reality of the ups and downs of a life lived following Christ, when the time comes the world might just be too great a temptation to resist, just like it was for me.
We, as teachers and preachers, were never meant to take on the role of your child’s primary spiritual influencer. It’s literally just not possible. I recently read a very good book published by Lifeway called Nothing Less: Engaging Kids In A Lifetime Of Faith which in summary is a scientific study on childhood behaviors that have influenced the spiritual health of those children in their young adulthood whether positively or negatively. The list of behaviors that did not have a significant effect on the spiritual heath of young adults is fascinating and worth the read to learn more about. But, the list of the top 10 childhood behaviors that DID have a significant effect on the spiritual health of young adults is no surprise at all. I have expanded on just a few of them below.
1. First and foremost, consistent bible reading as a child. Not just having the bible read to them, but the child actually picking up his/her bible and doing daily readings on their own. There are any number of age appropriate bibles out there and resources galore that this letter isn’t equipped to go into, but just know that it is NEVER too late to start. You as the parents have to be the first to model this behavior too. To quote the book, “In the home, kids need to see their moms and dads deep in the word of God. They also need time carved out and regularly set aside for them to do the same. When they are non-readers or early readers, this is obviously a parent-child activity. As children grow, moms and dads should establish a spiritual rhythm where family devotion or bible reading is a regular part of each child’s individual habits, creating disciplines as consistent as brushing their teeth.” Just remember, God’s word will never return empty, but will always accomplish His purposes and succeed in whatever purpose He sent it. (Isaiah 55:11)
2. Spending time in regular prayer. Can it really be that simple? According to this research study involving over 2000 participants, yes it can. And why not? Isn’t prayer just literally learning how to talk to Jesus? Why would this not make the list of the most significant factors influencing spiritual health of young adults today? And coupled with our talking to Him comes learning to listen for His voice. Do you want your child to have the discernment to make wise choices? Then start modeling for them a regular prayer time that not only includes daily supplication, but thanksgiving, praise, confession and then listening for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
3. Rounding out the top 3 is serving in church. I love this quote from the book, “As soon as a believer graduates from equating spiritual growth as being led and fed into a more accurate definition of following Jesus, service starts to count. The believer begins to understand his responsibility in the body as not only Christian duty, but also an essential component in his own spiritual growth.” I’ve said it all along and I’ll keep saying it. Parents, we have to model this behavior for our children first. Otherwise, these are just more empty words with no actual basis behind them. If there’s one thing our children need absolutely no more of, it’s adults telling them things that they are not willing to do themselves.
It’s time to show up for our kids! They are fighting a spiritual war like never before and they need YOU as their parents to model for them how to live a Christ-centered life now more than ever. Parents, you have got to make worship a priority over whatever else might stand in the way on Sunday morning. You have got to start saying more no’s to the things that prevent your child from being spiritually fed on a weekly basis. Another quote, “According to additional research, most Americans (including Christians) believe that the purpose of life is to find fulfillment by discovering yourself and pursuing whatever makes you happy. If that ideal manifests itself in families and parenting, which we know it does, teens are free to explore fulfillment options elsewhere. The world is happy to step in and provide alternatives.” Is there a universal guarantee that our adult children will always walk with the Lord if we engage in the above referenced activities? Of course not! But, we will have less of an excuse to be saddened by our wayward adult children if we continue on a path like the one described in the quote above all the while fully knowing we could have done our best to give them as much Jesus as we could while they were under our roof.
I encourage each of you to order a copy of the book I have referenced throughout this letter. There are so many other childhood influencers (both positive and negative) of young adult spiritual health that you should be aware of and so many other childhood activities that we think would absolutely make the list of influencers that didn’t make the list at all. Bottom line is this, it will never get easier than right this minute to renew your commitment to the spiritual health of your children. Yes, you may have to change some things about your weekly routine, but so what?? There is not a single thing more important than showing up for God each and every week! Not one thing. Be in worship service every week and join a life group of your own. Once again, your children will only place so much value on something that you aren’t willing to value yourself. Just do it and see how much God will bless your obedience in 2020.
Footnote: My parents divorced when I was a freshman in college. Although God doesn't advocate divorce, He will most certainly use it for His glory like everything else. My mother today is one of the Godliest women I know. She always knew and loved Him, but after the divorce, her faith skyrocketed to new heights. In preparation to post this letter, I allowed her to be the first to read it and she gave me her full blessing to proceed. Without a doubt, this woman is the reason my faith exists in the first place and is my role model for selfless mothering. I wish a mom like her on every kid in the universe. The world would still be imperfect in many ways, but at least kids would KNOW they were loved like crazy by a mom who would literally lay down her life for them. I love you, mom. You are the real MVP.
Click here for a link to the book mentioned in this post.
Dear Parents,
Hello! My name is Leslie Strange and I am one of the Student Ministry Life Group leaders who has the privilege of interacting with your student(s) on a weekly basis. I also recently came on staff at Judson as the Admin Assistant to Patton and Dan in the Student Ministry department as well. Patton, Presley and I met together recently to do some 2020 goal planning and one of the things that came out of our time together was this letter to you, hopefully along with many more to come from other leaders within Student Ministry. The purpose being very simple. To tell you briefly who I am, why I do what I do and to inform you, with all sincerity, why the environment in your home will reinforce (or not) any moments of truth God allows me to speak into your child on a weekly basis.
First things first, who am I and what’s (briefly) my story? For me personally, my faith journey was unfortunately a lot more complicated than it ought to have ever been. I have a very typical story of growing up in church, hearing all the Jesus things, doing all the VBS, attending all the youth camps and retreats, etc. only to find myself completely overwhelmed with the allure of the world upon graduation. While you will never hear me make excuses for my own, grown-up, very adult choices, I do often wonder though if Jesus would have come alive in my heart the way He is now back in those formative years had my family life looked differently. Let me explain. When I say that I “grew up in church,” I literally mean that for a portion of my childhood, I was there almost daily. My mother worked as the music secretary at Judson for about a decade of my adolescent years. There wasn’t as much oversight then either, so I was all over the place! Every closet opened, every staircase climbed, every baptistry pool (we had two then before they built the new building) played in, every musical instrument strummed, and the list goes on. Such was the life of the 80’s kid. I tell you this to make the greater point that although I spent countless hours within the walls of this church, the church didn’t follow us home.
Don’t get me wrong, my life at home was happy. I had two parents who would do (and did) everything in their power to create a loving home environment for my sister and me. And it was! As far as a father to young girls goes, mine was outstanding. We learned how to change tires, ride 4-wheelers, shoot basketballs and build forts. We also played endless Barbies, Cabbage Patch Kids and Strawberry Shortcake. We heard the words “I love you,” and “I am proud of you” in abundance that went a long way to develop my sister and me into the confident young women we eventually became. It wasn’t until much later in my young adulthood when God grabbed a hold of my heart for the very first time and drew me into an actual relationship with Jesus, that I remember hearing the term “Spiritual Leader” for the first time. Honestly I was a bit confused by it at first, but then slowly over time I have begun to realize that as amazing as my home life was as a kid, my parents (particularly my dad) hadn’t taken the initiative to give my sister and me what we needed more than lessons on how to properly use jumper cables or apply for a job. We needed Jesus to be invited into our home by way of Bibles being opened and read daily. We needed to see daily prayers being offered not just for a few seconds before a meal or for other supplication, but just for the sake of praise and thanks. We needed to witness two adults living and breathing to bring honor and glory to their Heavenly Father, modeling for us the way to set hard boundaries against an encroaching world and how to stick to them. So, to answer the question of why I do what I do, the answer is simple. I want to tell your kids to read their bible and spend time talking with God daily and I want to have hard conversations about the realities of sin’s allure and give them tools to set those hard boundaries themselves. Sounds great, right? There’s a big problem though that I need to share with you next.
Neither I, nor your child’s actual life group leader if it isn’t me, nor Pastors Patton, Dan or Jeff can effectively do any of those things I just listed if you as their parents aren’t invested in your own spiritual journey with Jesus. If you are not modeling in your home the reality of the ups and downs of a life lived following Christ, when the time comes the world might just be too great a temptation to resist, just like it was for me.
We, as teachers and preachers, were never meant to take on the role of your child’s primary spiritual influencer. It’s literally just not possible. I recently read a very good book published by Lifeway called Nothing Less: Engaging Kids In A Lifetime Of Faith which in summary is a scientific study on childhood behaviors that have influenced the spiritual health of those children in their young adulthood whether positively or negatively. The list of behaviors that did not have a significant effect on the spiritual heath of young adults is fascinating and worth the read to learn more about. But, the list of the top 10 childhood behaviors that DID have a significant effect on the spiritual health of young adults is no surprise at all. I have expanded on just a few of them below.
1. First and foremost, consistent bible reading as a child. Not just having the bible read to them, but the child actually picking up his/her bible and doing daily readings on their own. There are any number of age appropriate bibles out there and resources galore that this letter isn’t equipped to go into, but just know that it is NEVER too late to start. You as the parents have to be the first to model this behavior too. To quote the book, “In the home, kids need to see their moms and dads deep in the word of God. They also need time carved out and regularly set aside for them to do the same. When they are non-readers or early readers, this is obviously a parent-child activity. As children grow, moms and dads should establish a spiritual rhythm where family devotion or bible reading is a regular part of each child’s individual habits, creating disciplines as consistent as brushing their teeth.” Just remember, God’s word will never return empty, but will always accomplish His purposes and succeed in whatever purpose He sent it. (Isaiah 55:11)
2. Spending time in regular prayer. Can it really be that simple? According to this research study involving over 2000 participants, yes it can. And why not? Isn’t prayer just literally learning how to talk to Jesus? Why would this not make the list of the most significant factors influencing spiritual health of young adults today? And coupled with our talking to Him comes learning to listen for His voice. Do you want your child to have the discernment to make wise choices? Then start modeling for them a regular prayer time that not only includes daily supplication, but thanksgiving, praise, confession and then listening for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
3. Rounding out the top 3 is serving in church. I love this quote from the book, “As soon as a believer graduates from equating spiritual growth as being led and fed into a more accurate definition of following Jesus, service starts to count. The believer begins to understand his responsibility in the body as not only Christian duty, but also an essential component in his own spiritual growth.” I’ve said it all along and I’ll keep saying it. Parents, we have to model this behavior for our children first. Otherwise, these are just more empty words with no actual basis behind them. If there’s one thing our children need absolutely no more of, it’s adults telling them things that they are not willing to do themselves.
It’s time to show up for our kids! They are fighting a spiritual war like never before and they need YOU as their parents to model for them how to live a Christ-centered life now more than ever. Parents, you have got to make worship a priority over whatever else might stand in the way on Sunday morning. You have got to start saying more no’s to the things that prevent your child from being spiritually fed on a weekly basis. Another quote, “According to additional research, most Americans (including Christians) believe that the purpose of life is to find fulfillment by discovering yourself and pursuing whatever makes you happy. If that ideal manifests itself in families and parenting, which we know it does, teens are free to explore fulfillment options elsewhere. The world is happy to step in and provide alternatives.” Is there a universal guarantee that our adult children will always walk with the Lord if we engage in the above referenced activities? Of course not! But, we will have less of an excuse to be saddened by our wayward adult children if we continue on a path like the one described in the quote above all the while fully knowing we could have done our best to give them as much Jesus as we could while they were under our roof.
I encourage each of you to order a copy of the book I have referenced throughout this letter. There are so many other childhood influencers (both positive and negative) of young adult spiritual health that you should be aware of and so many other childhood activities that we think would absolutely make the list of influencers that didn’t make the list at all. Bottom line is this, it will never get easier than right this minute to renew your commitment to the spiritual health of your children. Yes, you may have to change some things about your weekly routine, but so what?? There is not a single thing more important than showing up for God each and every week! Not one thing. Be in worship service every week and join a life group of your own. Once again, your children will only place so much value on something that you aren’t willing to value yourself. Just do it and see how much God will bless your obedience in 2020.
Footnote: My parents divorced when I was a freshman in college. Although God doesn't advocate divorce, He will most certainly use it for His glory like everything else. My mother today is one of the Godliest women I know. She always knew and loved Him, but after the divorce, her faith skyrocketed to new heights. In preparation to post this letter, I allowed her to be the first to read it and she gave me her full blessing to proceed. Without a doubt, this woman is the reason my faith exists in the first place and is my role model for selfless mothering. I wish a mom like her on every kid in the universe. The world would still be imperfect in many ways, but at least kids would KNOW they were loved like crazy by a mom who would literally lay down her life for them. I love you, mom. You are the real MVP.
Click here for a link to the book mentioned in this post.
Leslie, this letter is so powerful. I have tears running down my face. Thank you for your boldness in writing it and sharing it. -Franci
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